I believe my God is love. I am quarelling with accepting that God is selfish above loving. He is selfish in it that He wants us to love Him and bring Him glory, but I cannot fathom this God of love being so selfish that I couldn't believe He sent His Son for me. Which is not selfish if He did it for me. Did He simply have Jesus die, just so He could get glory, or because He loves us? And by loving us so much that His son died and we are redeemed and have to come to Him through the Son, in fact, brings Him glory. Which makes God receiving glory a by-product of His love for us. But is this really what is true?

I long for defense. I am striving to be solid so that I cannot be shaken. I may have to accept the direction of my beliefs are okay as long as it enables me to be the best Jesus to others I can be, though they aren't in line with what I want to believe. If that even makes any sense at all. I am believing today what I have to, in order to let the love of my Maker pour out to those around me the best.

It seems if I'm going to go half way across the world to share the gospel I should better understand it? Lord, strengthen my faith through this.

The worst battles are those within your own mind and soul... this perhaps being the essence of all I am called to be and the existence and authenticity of truth.