It's the days that I have to search hard for any bit of goodness that really make me praise my King. The days when it rains-- it pours-- I think of every horrible thing going on around me and find myself in a mess of life. But then to find happiness I have to find the tiny things to bring a smile.. and then I realize that the joy from the small things come from Jesus and then I feel this sigh of relief brewing within. Sooo delighted that the Creator cares about details sometimes. It just goes to show that when we quit worrying about the articulate parts of life and look to the big picture, God will reveal His blessing in the simple smiles of our friends, the slightest touch of a high-five, the somber sleep of babies, the glorious feeling you get when the sun hides behind a cloud and your pupils open and all the sudden you can see so much more, or when the caf has good fries, or a friend tells you how easy a midterm is about to be, and you get an A on a paper, you take a 20 minute nap and it is as rewarding as a 3 hour nap, and a 30 minute hot shower.. the list goes on, and to think these are just the little details of one day that set my heart to glow. He really is good, even when all the big things seem a mess.
Blessed be his name.

you.

How can he claim to be that man?
How can his words be so vast, so real, so piercing?
Yet the ways of his feet lead to nowhere.
Lead to pain.
Abandonment.
How can he teach of love.. a fight, worth all of life?
How do you understand what is described as love, being told by the lover, and betrayed by the same soul?
Will she ever understand her value, her worth as His daughter?
If she is beauty, if I am beauty.
What an image.
May I.
May We.
Let us know the value.


For she holds strength for both hearts... bold enough to endure in the seemingly endless cause, fight, and maybe even war.

What makes sense is making no sense at all.

Ohh Mobile.

A friend and I went downtown tonight for dinner at this little Irish social club, we opted to sit outside because it was beautiful out... I did not think that my simple dinner would turn into such an internal debate, of course, I had to be disturbed and uncomfortable because that is exactly what I asked for. We had an extra seat at our table, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes after we sat down that we were joined by a woman wandering the streets of Mobile. This woman immediately began talking at a pace so fast I understood about every 3rd sentence. She seemed like she was in trouble, perhaps someone was looking for her-- it was clear she was running from something, maybe just reality-- I don't think it would be too impolite to say that she wasn't "all there". All I could do was listen.. the woman was not the disturbing part I came to find out-- it was the people around me that were laughing and looking at her as if she were less than human. I made my attempt to embrace her, but as soon as I opened my mouth to show her I cared to listen she was offended and not much later were we joined by the workers at the bar and a large man who came to make sure my friend and I weren't being bothered.

This really sent me over the edge. Of course I wasn't bothered! I was only bothered by the fact that these people around me made it impossible for the barriers to be broken down between us and this woman. She hurried away to no home.. saying "You'll see me on the front page tomorrow." She had previously spoke of killing a man.. What?! Welcome to Mobile.

I hate it that I am on the wrong side, and not by choice. I made an attempt-- and I hope that my few words of compassion will remain in her mind until she realizes someone does love her.

So much for a simple day.

On the other side of things.. I just found out I will be spending my summer amongst my very own in the great city of St. Louis! I am ready to rock that place... and I'm working side-by-side with one of my favorite people ever.. It's going to be amazing.. especially seeing my wonderful family! God, keeps on surprising me!

I'm going to go watch Full House now.

It's really some story....

You know, it's hard to know where to begin. Feeling at a loss for words all in the same moment as an over abundance of thoughts, desires, passions.. steaming from every ounce of my being. I feel so trapped... some days I wake up wondering and wandering. Chasing after dreams that lie at my fingertips, questioning the craze to be anywhere but here, frustrated with the lack of outlets, all awhile having the equipment to spur my passions. I think, what's the use?

Here I am at this school with people who are so narrow, so focused on appearing to have it all together because they are "Christians". Amidst this people, the name of my Jesus is being put to shame. And I am nothing but a common contributor. I've learned that I'm a mess.. and this mess resides within the body we call church and I cannot recover/we cannot recover until the world that made us so sick becomes better. But how?

Accepting this lifestyle meant I accepted the negative perceptions as a Christ Follower. Which means, I have to set out to redeem the name of Christ... not focusing so much on morality, but rather being a lover of people. Because we are hated for so many misconceptions. I want the eyes of Jesus. Jesus never saw a prostitute, He never saw a tax collector, or a thief, or a terrorist-- He only saw a child of God. But then I begin thinking to myself.. well, who do I really know that even fits this? How many poor friends do I even have?

So here it lies.. I need to be disturbed. Uncomfortable. I need to find some new friends.

I am beginning to think my life needs to look a little more like poetry... I was created to have imagination. I was created to be CREATIVE. I know it's brewing within. I am still just waiting. And ugh, my patience is running dry.

I learned more this past weekend from my walk in the park with some friends than I did at the entire conference I attended (and I don't mean the part where I took a leak in a public park or when Ashley mistook the homeless men for bumper cars or when the boys were offered a woman (im being discreet.) or even getting lost multiple times downtown)... We were having a really great time, being crazy, just exploring downtown Atlanta. We went to Piedmont Park and well, it was interesting. We were walking around kind of quietly all taking in the beauty of the skyline, disturbed by the sirens, broken for the homes we found among the benches and trees.. I was following the side of the lake looking down off the concrete at what seemed to be a very steep drop off. I was nervous to even peek over the side because there was no protective railing. As I fearfully grabbed the arms of those walking next me I stopped for a second, gazing into the waters and seeing the reflection of the clouds in the sky. As I saw this I imagined myself being turned upside down, and for a moment I was on top of the world, with the sky below me. This began to sink in and I started to see Jesus gazing back at me.. telling me the water is deceiving. It was beautiful, but I was too scared to even reach for the water because it appeared so far out of reach. As I walked further down the path I started to see my own reflection, so I knelt down beside it. I could feel the steam of the water caressing my face. How could waters so deep reach me? As I looked closer, I noticed the water wasn't deep at all, that it was only inches below the surface of the sidewalk! All this time I had been walking in so much fear of a steep drop off when all along the water was shallow and with in reaching distance. I understood that this is exactly how I live my life quite often... in so much fear of the distance, unable to grasp what lies in front in me.. SO deceived by this life, by this culture that I live in so much timidity. Lord, if I could live one day freely without fear, I truly believe people will see you. I want to live in such a way that my life is worth telling a story about. Why would I want to be lukewarm when I can live my life radically in love as an adventurer??!!
And God said "But since you are lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" (rev. 3:16) There's really no other choice!

He is good... really good. I love how I am falling in love with everything around me.. Today at work I caught myself really engaged in some of the parents of the kids after school-- these are people that most would not associate with, and here I am falling in love with them. Okay, this isn't me. And I really like it.

I dare you to ask Him to use you... you have no idea what you're in for, and apparently neither do I.

Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. -Ps. 25:4-5

I want to be so immersed in my Savior and forgotten by all else. I just want to seek You. Falling in love today... What a beautiful morning! Look how much He loves me. :) Lord, may he find me because he seeks you... Lord may they see me and just see You... Lord let us chase you.