Above all else...

I messed up. I had been working so hard to show my faith, my integrity, my devotion to the Lord... and tonight, because I am human, I messed it all up. I handled a situation completely by myself- and utterly destroyed it. I have particularly been trying to minister to someone, and I let my frustration get the best of me. Now, I gotta fix it...

I am broken... God showed up in a very real way to me tonight. I feel like I could just see the look on His face, the disappointment- as if He was saying, "My child, let me take this one... the way it should have been from the beginning.."

I feel so let down.. once again. People have an amazing ability to disappoint each other and really screw things up. All I want to do is ignore the situation.. but God wants me to keep on showing love. I cannot give up. He wants me to keep on loving, even though I feel like I am out of love-- this is the time I need Him the most. I am so frustrated.. I can minister to people I barely know.. giving them advice and I am able to point them to the cross, but for my own roommate, my best friend, I have no words. All that separates us is a wall- but it feels like a 1000 miles. I want nothing more than for her to experience the fullness of God, how great His love for her is... How worthy she is in His eyes, how much talent and beauty He's given her that He wants to USE! My heart is so broken for her... and now- when given a time I could minister to her, I allow my own selfishness to let me be upset and I screw it all up.

I know with God's help the situation can be turned around and He can find His glory and can bring good... I am just searching for wisdom. How can I show her more of who Christ was and is, and apologize for my human stupidity... I can't give up, even though I am frustrated.
*So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Gal. 6:9*

Praying for patience.. the ability to love. love. love. with His love. Tonight I was reminded that people remain somewhere because they feel loved-- My desire is to make this life appealing because of the love Christ has given me and the love I can now give others...