I'm finding that in the chaos of what I have going on, or the confusion of life and love, or simply in the moment of my own resting-- the Maker, Creator of it all, is in motion-- pursuing me endlessly.
The past few months have been the greatest experience of Christ's presence I have yet to encounter. Serving Him without seize, pouring out when I am dry, and carrying much, though I am weak. I came out a different person. It was not an easy journey-- in fact, there was much heartache and pain endured-- but God meant it when He told me He was going to strip me of all things I was holding onto and bring me to a place where I have nowhere to go but to Him.
So, as camp ended two weeks ago-- I left Nashville, TN, changed-- I grew so much spiritually, yet had such a void. I was missing my family God had given me this summer and longed to be back in the world where I woke up and went to bed surrounded by passionate seekers of Christ-- in a fantasy world, or so it seemed. Even for a moment found myself knee deep on a cloud of bliss that was ever so deceiving. Left broken hearted and confused. But forever changed and it only allowed me to fall deeper in the arms of the ultimate Healer and Sustainer-- I was able to be restored.
Many convictions entered my life this summer... all pointing me to where I am now. Mobile, Alabama-- what?? Yes, it's true. I gave up my dream at Baylor, all in pursuit of His dream for my life. Still not understanding what that is, but I do know that He needed me to give up all the things I was holding onto so that I can be fully surrendered. Already He is revealing much of His plan for my life here. Placing people to love and encourage me-- and many, so many, opportunities to serve. I am still adjusting but I am confident in where my heart is and I know that soon doors will be opening and my purpose will become clear:). It's a refreshing feeling-- starting over in a sense.
I have learned that God is constantly aware of every feeling and emotion I am having. Though there are moments and feelings of abandonment-- In little, to no time, He intervenes with His embrace and reminds me that I am His own and He has a plan for my life. I am expecting great things, confidently seeking Him. All brokeness allows Him to receive more glory... and though I still am at a loss of understanding for love in and through people-- I know there is reason for me to allow people in, and though people fail me and each other, He can still use it-- if only for the moment-- to show me His embrace and His constant pursuit to intimately know me.
I cannot for a second get enough.
