He calls me Worthy

I keep thinking to myself, "I am smarter than this!"... There is no way that I am being tempted, my life is reflecting a portrait of Christ, or is it? I have been being fed lies and allowing my pride to stand in the way so that I couldn't see my own sins. I have justified all the mistakes I have been making... and honestly, it has been tearing me to pieces. It's time I be the person of integrity and fess up and make things different. I have been so convicted lately.. My desire is to be so madly in love with Jesus that people look at me and see an obvious difference in me, but how can I do that when I am not being faithful?

So now I am struggling with allowing God to heal me and give me the pure heart I desire. PRIDE stands in my way too often. I also worry that I am not worthy anymore because of my mistakes.. but that is not true! God is going to heal my heart so that I understand that He looks at me and sees Jesus and not me. How cool is that, God places equal value on his children, and Jesus is His child and so are we!! Whoa, that is a big deal.

I also know that God is preparing the hearts of those around me who I have hurt that they will forgive me and love me with His kind of love. God is right now, at this very moment, preparing me to be the child, the woman, the wife, and the mother He has one day designed me to be. He is showing me that the choices I make right now are going to affect my future.

Tonight I am just desperate for brokeness... praying to overcome the temptations I am daily faced with. I have let myself think that because of what I came from, I cannot be any better.. I am determined to not be a product of my environment, I will overcome the life that Satan wants me to have and live the one Christ designed for me!!

I desire to be serving with my whole heart, so that every piece of me, every part of my heart belongs to Jesus. I don't want to satisfy my own selfish desires anymore. Working with the youth group God has been opening my eyes to the areas of my life that are not matching up with who I say I am and who I truly am in Him. I want to get rid of those parts of my life so that my life can be a living testimony of what it means to walk by His side so that those kids have a portrait to follow and live by. Not that I can be perfect or anywhere near it, but these distinct areas where God is calling me out on, will be changed.

"The temptations in our life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." -1 Corinthians 10:13

I am just so overwhelmed at the amount of love He has for me. I have hurt Him in so many ways, but He finds a way to show me how much He wants me and needs me, despite it all.. It is so comforting to know that we can serve a God like this! I feel like I am truly valued and belong to something.

My past does not matter anymore. God has completely forgiven me and whiped my sins clean. He has made me white as snow!! I will not walk in shame or guilt:) The next couple days I will keep this verse and remember that Christ views all of us worthy, no matter what we have done!

1Timothy 1:12-17 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 1 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.